Hunting for Stars

by Dialectic

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1.
2.
i wish i could have introduced her to you shown you all her secrets the things that we’d been through i walked you through her skeleton but that could never be the same my hometown is dead these remains just share her name you are my life now you should know where i come from this was my favorite place i was her favorite son the stories of the bus lines the stories of the corners the times we drank as wild children the times we drank as mourners we were freaks and queers and artists sometimes lovers, sometimes loners we brought this place to life just to be run off by the owners you are my life now you should know where i come from this was my favorite place i was her favorite son one day, those who remain will rise up all of the exiles will come home we’ll bring life and love and laughter back to this city return to flesh what’s been turned to stone but even when we bring her back to me, this city will still be bone and ashes ’cause i’ll never get to show you what we win you’ll never touch the world we fashion i was never able to make you love this ghost town maybe that’s why i was never able to make you love me but you are my life now you should know where i come from this was my favorite place i was her favorite son but now the two of you will never meet that dream is as dead as every other that rose from these streets that dream is as dead as every other that rose from these streets
3.
you are both sun and eclipse these boys are just the void in between you are both the reward and the risk these boys are too fragile to hold what that means but i i’m here for you, here for you, love yeah i i’ll be here in the drought and here in the flood just stick around a while longer, darling you’re bound to learn the truth the only thing out here better than me is you you are the shelter when the thunderstorm hits these boys are ashamed to stand in your shadow you are both sun and eclipse but when i look at you, you don’t blind me you just show me tomorrow oh, and i i’m here for you, here for you, love whether high in the sky, or down in the mud just stick around a while longer, mama you’re bound to learn the truth the only thing out here better than me is you
4.
you’re in my head you’re in my heart you’re in my mouth i’m begging you to start, start, start i set the scene you say the words everywhere you touch i swear it burns, burns, burns wrap your fingers ’round my neck and squeeze, squeeze, squeeze bind my hands behind my back and push me to my knees come on, mama, show me that you love me come on, mama, show me who i am gag strapped tight, i can’t say a word but i know you know just what i’m thinking crop in your hand, teach me to serve gonna take it all without even blinking put me in a collar so i can run free i need you to leave i need you to leave your mark on me wrap your fingers ’round my neck and squeeze, squeeze, squeeze bind my hands behind my back and push me to my knees come on, mama, show me that you love me come on, mama, show me who i am it’s ancient and new a fantasy that’s true unique to me and you this thing that we’re creating wrap your fingers ’round my neck and squeeze, squeeze, squeeze bind my hands behind my back and push me to my knees come on, mama, show me that you love me come on, mama, show me who i am oh, make me submit oh, let me submit to you
5.
6.
i can hear the desert calling i know you gotta go you gotta find what’s out there you gotta go alone the music in your fingers needs to stroke the wind it’s only in the outlands you discover what’s within you’re hunting for stars to bring back to me i’m hunting for stars for you when i see you again, we’re gonna light up the sky i can’t wait to see the things that we do that highway is wondrous it’s dangerous and it’s strange you’ll see death and beauty and your own reflection in the rain you’ll sing and you’ll steal you’ll cry and you’ll play you’ll bleed and you’ll heal and become more yourself every day you’re hunting for stars to bring back to me i’m hunting for stars for you when i see you again, we’re gonna light up the sky i can’t wait to see the things that we do oh, i can’t wait to see the things that we do you and i create a constellation we chart our course by its light but now you’re on the other side of the world where unfamiliar stars fill the sky at night at times, you’ll feel lost or lonesome hounded by fear or despair but you are a compass, you are the sun when you’re ready to go home, you’ll find your way there and there you’ll find me there you’ll find me i can hear the desert calling i know you gotta go you gotta find what’s out there you gotta go alone however far you wander however far you roam in me, oh, in me you can always find a home you’re hunting for stars to bring back to me i’m hunting for stars for you when i see you again, we’re gonna light up the sky i can’t wait to see the things that we do oh, i can’t wait to see the things that we do oh, i can’t wait to see the things that we do
7.
i got your letter in the post inked in guilt and obligation your words confined to the cold cage of your heart the only place you feel safe in i’ve hoped beyond hope, beyond all hints and evidence you’d find a way to break free but your words betray your future your craven heart will never let that be you’re a narcissist, a coward, and a liar how’d it take me so long to see? you’re a narcissist, a coward, and a liar is this the most that you’ll ever be? you cried when i told you about the summer i took ill and swore that next time you’d be by my side but when i lay in hospital, sheets soaked in blood you just ran off looking for someplace to hide you treat the truth like a stranger you never invite it inside you’re smoke without fire no warmth but you’ll choke us and leave us all blind you’re a narcissist, a coward, and a liar how’d it take me so long to see? you’re a narcissist, a coward, and a liar is this the most that you’ll ever be? i used to long to hear you declare your love now i pity those who do because whatever words spill from your mouth for you, in the end, there’s no one but you everything you try to give yourself peace of mind leaves your heart too hard and small to ever be decent and kind i got your letter in the post like to be our last communication steeped in the myth of your own innocence the only thing you ever put your faith in you’re a narcissist, a coward, and a liar how’d it take me so long to see? you’re a narcissist, a coward, and a liar is this the most that you’ll ever be? you’re a narcissist, a coward, and a liar that’s the last time that you’ll disappoint me you’re a narcissist, a coward, and a liar how’d it take me so long to see?
8.
you’ve been here before i’ve been here, too here in the waste here in the wound where air is as ash and ash is as fire and all who can breathe are lame with desire whenever we’ve met in this place i’ve endured it always survived the loves that you’ve murdered but what is this now? this new face you wear? this new inclination? this new body you bare? new man leans back from the future stories of his body he whispers a body in love and in pain a body in light and in mystery what is this new face? what are these new demands? i curl into a ball you rip me open with your hands your touch says it all i’m to be open and broken hold it all together on a promise unspoken let the contradiction break me open and down and apart and what is impossible now soon enough will start but the uncertainty of the future and the certainty of my longing how can i hold it all? except in a song i sing new man leans back from the future stories of his body he whispers a body in love and in pain a body in light and in mystery in the end i will be a new man myself, only more so more the person, less the pain he’ll be able to love her when she is ready and receptive and let her go when she needs that space and perspective some say new man will let her go completely make peace with her absence but that’s not what he tells me new man leans back from the future stories of his body he whispers a body in love and in pain a body in light and in mystery a body entwined in hers a body embodied in a chorus and verse
9.
10.
i can hear the desert calling i know you gotta go you gotta find what’s out there you gotta go alone the music in your fingers needs to stroke the wind it’s only in the outlands you discover what’s within you’re hunting for stars to bring back to me i’m hunting for stars for you when i see you again, we’re gonna light up the sky i can’t wait to see the things we do that highway is wondrous it’s dangerous and it’s strange you’ll see death and beauty and your own reflection in the rain you’ll sing and you’ll steal you’ll cry and you’ll play you’ll bleed and you’ll heal and become more yourself every day you’re hunting for stars to bring back to me i’m hunting for stars for you when i see you again, we’re gonna light up the sky i can’t wait to see the things we do you and i create a constellation we chart our course by its light but now you’re on the other side of the world where unfamiliar stars fill the sky at night at times, you’ll feel lost or lonesome hounded by fear or despair but you are a compass, you are the sun when you’re ready to go home, you’ll find your way there and there you’ll find me there you’ll find me
11.
you would start before breakfast like a small meditation at least twenty rows to settle the mind you would end as i drifted to sleep wrapped around you and you around me our patterns entwined with needles short and sharp you knit me back together what’d you go and do that for? with needles short and sharp you knit me back together now here i lie, unraveled on the floor days into weeks and weeks into months you gave me back my shape made me whole did you drop a stitch? or why else did you do it? after all that, why did you grab that loose end and pull? with needles short and sharp you knit me back together what’d you go and do that for? with needles short and sharp you knit me back together now here i lie, unraveled on the floor what are we but stories woven together from fragments of facts? the violence had ruptured my tale so that it could not hold its form and it collapsed but using your art you wove a new story from the various parts of my past how ugly must that patchwork tale have been for you to do all that work just to take it back? i once saw you pull apart a sweater you’d finished reuse the yarn on a double-thick cowl as i lie here unraveled my only real hope is that you are doing something similar now
12.
04:23
i’m gonna take everything i’m owed confiscate everything you stole you’ll be left without a place you’d better fly when i give chase boy, i’m coming and so war is declared no quarter will be given no one will be spared you came for the wrong one you want to live? you’d better run (yeah, you’d better run) this is the world you created you fired the first shot that’s how you sealed your fate you took shots when you should have taken notes now it’s too late and i’ve got you in my scopes you’ve made your last mistake can you feel the ground shake? your time is over ’cause once war is declared no quarter will be given no one will be spared you came for the wrong one you want to live? you’d better run (yeah, you’d better run) this is the world you created you fired the first shot that’s how you sealed your fate your petty jealousy your woke misogyny your self-hating arrogance have undone you justice is for daylight the night was made for vengeance justice is for daylight the night was made for vengeance justice is for daylight the night was made for vengeance vengeance you came for the wrong one you want to live? you’d better run (yeah, you’d better run) this is the world you created you fired the first shot that’s how you sealed your fate you came for the wrong one you want to live? you’d better run you want to live? you’d better run you want to live? yeah, you’d better run
13.
i was standing in the midnight dust the warehouse lights were a shadow on my face my hands held the past, my fingers were like rust you wrapped me in the colors of your faith i was sitting inside myself trapped in the story i had written you forgave what you could not see you never asked permission i’ve been holding on so tight for so long angel, i’m ready to let go it’s been so long since dusk but now i see dawn’s blush angel, angel i’m ready you’re standing in the biting rain against your naked face, the water feels like thorns no matter where you go, you’ll never be the same i’ve got a blanket and a fire and my love to keep you warm you’re running from yourself back into the story that you’ve written but i forgive what you cannot speak i’ll be the silence when you can’t bear to listen you’ve been holding on so tight for so long angel, it’s time to let go it’s been so long since dusk but you can see dawn’s blush angel, i know you’re ready lay down your arms send your guards home i’m the only one left no one’s throwing stones there’s no one here to judge no one here to scold you now darling, climb out your window i’ve walked seven miles just to hold you just to hold you i’ve been holding on so tight for so long angel, i’m ready to let go it’s been so long since dusk but now i see dawn’s blush angel, angel i’m ready i’ve been holding on so tight for so long angel, angel i’m ready to let go yeah, it’s been so long since dusk but now i see dawn’s blush angel, angel i’m ready
14.
15.
i can hear the desert calling i know you gotta go you gotta find what’s out there you gotta go alone the music in your fingers needs to stroke the wind it’s only in the outlands you discover what’s within you’re hunting for stars to bring back to me i’m hunting for stars for you that highway is wondrous it’s dangerous and it’s strange you’ll see death and beauty and your own reflection in the rain you’ll sing and you’ll steal you’ll cry and you’ll play you’ll bleed and you’ll heal and become more yourself every day you’re hunting for stars to bring back to me i’m hunting for stars for you when i see you again, we’re gonna light up the sky i can’t wait to see the things we do at times, you’ll feel lost or lonesome hounded by fear or despair but you are a compass, you are the sun when you’re ready to go home, you’ll find your way there and there you’ll find me there you’ll find me you’re hunting for stars to bring back to me i’m hunting for stars for you when i see you again, we’re gonna light up the sky i can’t wait to see the things we do i can’t wait to see the things we do

credits

released November 29, 2019

songs by ying-sun ho
intro and interludes by ying-sun ho and james riotto

ying-sun ho: vocals, guitars, programming
mario trigueros: vocals
james riotto: bass, synthesizers, drum machine programming, vocals
jason slota: drums, percussion, vibraphone
rob shelton: organ, piano, fender rhodes, wurlitzer, clavinet, synthesizers
justin rock: additional guitar (tracks 2, 7, 8, 10, 11, 13)
carly bond: additional vocals (tracks 7, 13, 15)

produced, engineered, and mixed by james riotto [ jamesriotto.com ]
mastered by jacob winik [ jacobwinik.com ]
recorded, mixed, and mastered at tiny telephone recording [ tinytelephone.com ]

cover painting by jamaica dyer [ jamdye.com ]
design and layout by ying-sun ho

get a special BONUS TRACK here: dialecticmusic.com/hold-up-maps/

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contact@dialecticmusic.com

℗2019 THWIP! Music. ©2019 ying-sun ho, except: track 13, ©2004, 2019 ying-sun ho; tracks 1, 5, 9, and 14 ©2019 ying-sun ho and james riotto.
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